For Awhile, I Had No Value

So I took my Stats test today. I felt so good about it! I studied for hours and hours, took practice tests, went to Study Groups, attended Open Labs, the whole thing. Everything I never did when I was an undergrad. I went to the Testing Center and joined the hundreds (literally) of other BYU students spending their weekend taking tests. I had my little calculator, approved scratch paper, No. 2 pencil, and a winning attitude. I worked through every problem--twice!, drew pictures for all the density curves, worked out the Z-scores, proportions, standard deviations, etc. with satisfaction and, I admit, a little glee.

I raced home to find my score online. I never can read those stupid monitors at the Testing Center that list every one's results. The kids gathered around as I clicked my way towards bliss. With a self-satisfied smile I showed my darling children that hard work really does pay off.

I got a 19%. Yes, you read that right. Flashbacks to my college years hit me like a ton of Blue Books. 19%????? How could that possibly be right? I shielded the kids' eyes from the horror. If all I got was a 19%, then I'm not a Smart Girl after all. I'm..... a DUMB GIRL!

I long ago accepted that I'll never have much value as a pretty girl with a winning personality and oodles of charm. I won't be known for my amazing homemaking skills and fabulous parties. But I always knew I was at least smart, which somehow made up for the lack of everything else.

Who am I if I'm not even smart? I have no value whatsoever. I'm just matter taking up a lot of space (way too much space). Breathing in valuable air, tainting my kids' gene pool. I've been teaching GT students under false pretenses. Should I contact their parents? And what about poor Sweetie? My brilliant professor-husband had been duped! I successfully hid my transcript from him until after the wedding, but I could no longer hide my stupidity and shame. What if he started cruising the Computer Science department looking for Smart Chicks? Oh, the horror!

So I did what any stupid, irrational, value-less girl would do. I went to Costco.

I figured that the one thing I might have control over is my looks, since obviously my IQ was barely above "Village Idiot" level. I bought lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, salmon, chicken breasts. Nothing even remotely bad for you made it into my cart. Well, there was the Granny's bread and the chicken noodle soup, but at least it was the low-sodium kind. If I could lose a few pounds (all right, I know what you're thinking), spend a few thousand on plastic surgery, and get hair transplants, I just might have a shot at being presentable. Maybe I could learn to like scrap booking! Or at least keep a clean house. Okay, maybe not that. But I could scrapbook if I tried, I just know it.

I made it home and forced myself to face my shame. I logged onto the BYU site and sadly clicked onto my scores again. The 19% was gone now, replaced by a very pretty 91%. Turns out they originally input my score as "13" points instead of "133". And there is still the short-answer section to grade, which might bring me up a little bit more. Yay me!

Could it be? Am I a Smart Girl after all? Maybe that's reaching a bit. But at least I'm a Moderately Intelligent girl.

I can live with that.

I Heart BYU

I can't believe I'm writing this. After 27 years of moaning and groaning about being stuck in Utah, stuck at BYU, stuck in Provo, etc., I have to admit that I really love it here. How did this happen? Maybe I suffered some psychological trauma and I only think I love it here. Maybe I'll come to my senses some day and wonder how I could have possibly been so deluded. But I think the worst might be true--I love BYU.

How did this happen, you might well ask? Well, I'll tell you (of course you knew I was leading up to this all along!).

Currently I'm taking Statistics 221 in the evenings. I go to class two nights a week in the JKB (Sweetie's old building before they completely gutted it and changed it beyond recognition--in a good way). Two other evenings I go to a lab in the TMCB. So tonight I went to my Open Lab where a very nice TA who is young enough to be my son answered my final few questions about the homework to the point where I could submit it and earn 100% (Yay Me!). On my way to the lab I dropped Drummer Boy off at International Cinema to meet a couple of friends to see a political documentary. I had about 45 minutes to kill, so I headed over to the JFSB (Sweetie's new building--pictured above) to study in the gorgeous courtyard.

Now, I feel very proprietary and protective about the JFSB. Sweetie helped design it, and the archways you see in the picture above were actually designed at my very own kitchen table. I sat at a little table (either the 2nd or 3rd from the right in the picture), called Em on my cell phone and chatted for awhile, and then studied for my upcoming test. It was overcast, breezy, and perfectly lovely. It definitely felt like Fall was on its way. Then I walked over to the SWKT to pick up Drummer Boy.

You see, I'm also very fond of the SWKT. Sweetie ran International Cinema for over six years, most of which time the films were shown in that very building. Don't even get me started about the Varsity Theatre years. Oh, the stories I could tell. But I digress. We used to have private showings of IC films so Sweetie could preview them and make sure they were fit for public consumption. The kids would run around, write on the chalk board, pretend to give talks at the podium, visit the projection room, and run up and down the aisles until they were exhausted. Not during the films, of course, but afterwards when we were finished. Elvira read the subtitles to "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg" when she was about seven. I was so proud of her!

On our way home, I could see the lights on in the football stadium. They were probably getting ready for tomorrow's big game. Lots of students were walking across campus on their way to the big Fall Fest in the WSC (used to be the ELWC, Wilk, etc.). Did I mention that Fall was in the air?

It was lovely. And I realized that while I was spending year after year wishing I was somewhere else (sometimes anywhere else), my family and I had become a part of campus. And it had definitely become a part of me. Drummer Boy is applying to Yale, Stanford, Washington University, and BYU this year. I'm so proud of him, and he has a very good shot at each one of those great schools. But I can't help but hope that he chooses BYU. And maybe he'll be smarter than I was and let it seep into his veins without a fight.

What I've Learned About Fraud

Well, this has been an enlightening day. Sweetie and I spent the morning at the credit union and the police station making reports. There is a chance we'll see at least some of the money back, but there is also a chance we won't. Because it was a VISA/Debit card, it isn't insured like a regular VISA is. Still no idea how the number got stolen, although I did have to use it to buy an e-book for my Stats class. It was with a big publisher, but I had never used them before. We'll probably never know.

So, here are a few valuable lessons learned:

1. Never use your VISA/Debit for online purchases. Or bad things might happen.
2. If you must buy online (and sometimes we must!), use a separate VISA/MC that isn't connected in any way to your banking accounts.
3. Pay cash whenever you can for groceries, etc., to limit the times your number is exposed to the world.
4. Monitor your checking account often--daily, if possible.

It could have been so much worse. It could have been at the beginning of the month when our house payment and other bills hadn't cleared yet.

I still feel trigger-happy, though.

My Sarah Palin Moment

Let me preface this by saying that I am no fan of Governor Palin. I could go on and on about that, but it would upset my mother, who is a big fan.

Today we found out that someone in Georgia has been using our VISA number and wiped out our bank account. They made about eight transactions on Saturday before the Risk Management angels noticed something was up and froze the number (thanks, guys!). But the damage had been done. Tomorrow morning we go to the bank to file all the paperwork to see if we can get anything back. Fortunately we still had some money in our savings account, and all the bills had been paid this month. Could have been way worse.

Sweetie thinks it was used by people evacuating from Hurricane Ike. He always likes to ascribe noble motives to gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Not me. I just wanted to shoot them. I'm not even a good shot, but I still wanted to pull out my Sarah Special and blow them away. There had better be starving children involved to even partially justify this. Otherwise, I might start channel-surfing FOX news when I think no one is looking.

I'm still gifted and talented, right?

Well, my GT career lasted all of about one day before I realized it was just the one thing too many. I should have followed my gut last spring and just not attempted it. I adore the kids, I love Annette to pieces, but I just overextended. As soon as I get home from SSV, I turn right around and head up to BYU three nights a week for Stats (I got 100% on my homework this week--yay me!). That leaves me no time with the other three kids, and I need to be around home with the teenagers. They're all great, good kids, but they still need a mom. And I probably need them even more.

I'm Gifted and Talented Again!

I felt sad about not teaching GT this year. So when M asked me if I would teach a 5th/6th GT class after school, I said yes. I originally said no because she told me it would go until 5:00 every day! Waaaaayyyy too long for me. I still have four little kiddles of my own to spend time with! But then I found out that GT only goes until 4:00, and that I think I can do. Tinkerbell got into GT too, so I would need to pick her up anyway. Might as well teach and add to the income a bit. It makes for a long day, but it keeps me out of trouble.