Lest one think that I whinge for the sake of whinging (isn't that a fabulous word? Much more accurate than "whine", especially after you read the definition here), I am trying to restructure my life to resemble what I think it should, or at least closer than it does. This has required a lot of re-prioritizing and soul-searching on mine and Sweetie's parts, and we've made some decisions.
I'm not going back to work after this school year.
I know that this seems a little silly, especially since my baby, Tinkerbell, will be in 7th grade next year and Kitty Boy will be a junior. There is, however, still much for me to do here at home. As with most people, or so I assume, by the time I get home from work the very last thing I want to be is productive. For some reason, this year has been much harder on me than others. I feel nearly completely emotionally and physically drained at 3:20 when the school bell rings. I don't want to hear one more child's complaints or requests, which does become a bit of a problem with three children still living at home. And while I genuinely adore my fellow "soldiers in the trench," I don't feel that I make much of an impact on the students, particularly the way things are structured this year. And as I have often said, you can give your heart and soul to your job, and your job won't ever love you back.
But your family will.
I do hear people talk about how being "at home" is thankless, and that they don't get the praise and feedback that those of us who work do. I guess if I were the type of person who were exceptionally competent at being a homemaker, I might feel a bit taken for granted if my level of extreme excellence wasn't acknowledged now and again.
I'm not that girl, let's just say that much.
My family would be so stunned and appreciative if we could actually eat at a cleaned off table now and again, I think that could keep me going for awhile. Add in clean clothes, ironed shirts, and a little bit of weeding, and Houston, we've got lift-off.
I've never stayed home alone without kids on a long-term basis (the odd sick day aside). I worked until Drummer Boy was born, and as soon as Tinkerbell started first grade, I went back to work. I do worry about being lonely. I worry about having nothing to show for my time. I worry that I might be bored. I'll have to deal with those as I come to them. Thank goodness for a pesky puppy--I'll spend so much time shooing her off the cats the time will fly by.
But today Kitty Boy was sick and having trouble breathing. I took the day off because I was nervous about leaving him alone like that. When I woke Elvira up for her college classes, she started throwing up and has been sick all day. I was able to supply jello, ice water, blankets, heating pads, and just plain "Mom." That's a pretty awesome feeling, and I didn't make a dime off of it.
So a little less than three months from now I'll be officially embarking on a much more budget-conscious, solitary, but hopefully more fulfilling life.
Oh, and I'll be writing more, too.
