Clean Bill

Well, it seems that I'm perfectly healthy. Yay me! Nothing showed up on the CT scan. The bloodwork (about 12 tests) were all fine except for showing I was fighting some sort of virus. I might have walking pneumonia, but then again I might not. He's putting me on an antibiotic to be safe. I wasn't making up anything--there is validation for all of it. But I guess it can be all blamed on a pesky virus. I wonder how many thousands of dollars were spent testing me for everything under the sun when it will probably just cost a $5 Z-pack to treat it?

I'm Starting to Fray

Okay, that's not really me, because I'm not blond. Other than that, that's me in the picture. Except my knees weren't bent and my arms were extended straight back above my head with an IV sticking out of the right one.

This is a long story which I'm not going to tell right now. I'm just going to start it from today, when I had my big date with the CT machine.

7:00 am Arrive at Orem Community Hospital
7:01 am Start getting teary
7:30 am Special Delivery of six 6oz. cups of contrast dye mixed with cranberry juice with instructions to drink one every ten minutes. Yum! (not)
8:45 am Am finally called in where I am told that a new CT scanner is being installed so I will be walking through the parking lot in my lovely hospital gown to a CT scanner in a trailer. I check, but they're not kidding. I do get scrub pants and a blanket, but I still feel like a dork.
9:00 am I'm lying on the scanning bed while she figures out how to work this new machine. Then she sticks an IV line in my arm which HURTS a lot. I start to cry.
9:10 am Still crying
9:15 am Still crying, mixed with apologies. I blame it on stress, but I'm starting to think it's true, naked fear coming out.

The woman who did my scan could not have been kinder to me. Her husband has cancer and she is very sensitive to how scary everything is. Not that I have cancer. That's kind of the point. I don't know what I have. I would love to think it's nothing at all. I am inclined to think it's "something." She wiped away my tears so I didn't have to move my arms. Another woman popped in and stroked one of my hands. Lovely, lovely women. So comforting. But I was still scared out of my wits that this could be the start of a new reality for me.

I thought of my dad, which always makes me cry anyway, and know that he doesn't want this for me. Of course, no parent wants this for their child. But he REALLY doesn't want this for me, because this is his reality and has been for a very long time. I thought of Sheri Mower, and of course thought that I know very well how this whole thing could end. I should take courage from Sheri, but I don't. I thought of my whole family, and how if my genes betray me, what could that mean for all of them? I really don't want to be the weak link here.

And then I just stopped crying. I remembered that my tears aren't going to fix a thing, that I'm close to hysterical at this point and should probably be slapped--hard. I knew that my sister Suzanne would probably volunteer to do it, because she's tough and I am too, even though I'm not feeling it at the moment.

9:20 am No longer crying, scan is over, walk back to hospital, change.
9:45 am Home again
9:50 am Passed out cold on my bed

I'll get results on Thursday morning, hopefully.

Be Still My Heart

OH MY GOSH! I wasn't all that excited when the Twilight movie trailer came out a few months ago. Looked okay, but a little silly. I just watched the new trailer that came out on Friday. I CAN'T WAIT!!! But I think the poster is a little weird looking. Edward doesn't look that weird in the trailer.

Here's a link.

World of Music

I added a playlist! I found all sorts of stuff that I haven't been able to buy off of iTunes because it's German. I can get Peter Schilling, Nena, Fool's Garden, and funky versions of songs I love (like "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5). Click on the link at the bottom of my playlist and make your own!

We are big music people in this house. Elvira is a HUGE fan of all sorts of genres. She has great taste in music. Drummer Boy leans towards 80s pop/rock, but has a killer appreciation of jazz. Definitely my son! Sweetie is a man of the 70s--Eagles, John Denver, James Taylor--but really digs Einaudi and Enya. The jury is still out on Kitty Boy. He likes lots of stuff but hasn't really focused on specifics yet. Tinkerbell is the most eclectic of us all. She loves both her dad's and my stuff, and really loves world music like Elvira. Listening to her playlists is so eye-opening, and definitely not your average 8 year-old's music.

When I was growing up in Germany, we had no TV and one radio station--Armed Forces Radio. We heard Casey Kassem, Wolfman Jack, and if the DJs liked jazz, funk, or R&B, that's what we got. Watch "Good Morning, Viet Nam" for a good idea of the gems I grew up with. I got completely hooked on jazz when the 5th Army Band came to our high school and played "Black Magic Woman" by Santana. It was life-altering. I still remember it and get chills. My brother and sisters have awesome taste in music, too. My parents mostly listened to "Easy Listening" stuff while I was growing up, so I'm not sure how we turned out so well. Now Mom listens to show tunes and Dad loves the Grateful Dead, Emmylou Harris, Abba, and the Beach Boys. Guess we rubbed off on them, after all!