Wow, My Mind Is Truly Amazing!

In the last post, I said that I had never experienced a single labor pain. This is not exactly true, but I kind of forgot about it.

When Kitty Boy was two I had a miscarriage on my 35th birthday (that's right--feel sorry for me). Even though I was three months along, I had always felt something wasn't quite right, so it wasn't as tragic as it could have been. So it took two days for this to take place, and towards the end I hemorrhaged and was in such excruciating pain that it took three shots of Demerol and a few ER nurses holding me down to put me back in my right mind. Then I had an emergency D&C in the middle of the night.

How could I have forgotten that? My mantra throughout each of my pregnancies was, "14 year-olds do this every day. Illiterate pioneer women did this every day. I can do this." I have shared this with my highly educated, Italian-professor friend Marie with great success. It's what got her through her daughter's delivery with flying colors. I wish I could credit my lack of labor to amazing will-power and mind control, but I think it was probably divine intervention. The Lord (and everyone else who knows me) knew I was an incredible wimp. If I had ever had pain even remotely like that miscarriage, Drummer Boy would have been an only child. I guess the other three were supposed to get here in spite of my wimpiness.

That's quite an interesting event to let slip my mind. What's next in the queue?

The Amazing Brain

I have a friend at work named Kenny. I like him very much and always look so forward to the days he helps in our math lab. He's charming, funny, cute, and smart. But I'm not so sure Kenny remembers who I am from day to day. He had a traumatic brain injury 20 years ago that resulted in severe short-term memory loss. When he woke up from his coma, he only spoke Spanish, the language he learned as a missionary. His parents needed an interpreter to speak to their own son. And he completely lost his sense of taste.

Apart from the, "Wow, that's so sad!" factor, I find this endlessly fascinating. Your brain and your memories are who you are. If you suffer brain trauma, it can change the way you perceive each of your senses, your pain tolerance, anger threshold, personality. Everything that makes you you. I'm sure that your actual soul is still intact somewhere, but your earthly body is your brain, really.

I was always a strong-willed child, and that has never changed. Even after having four children, I have never experienced a single labor pain. For some reason, I never went into labor and had them all by C-section. I was even on pitocin for a day and a half with Elvira with nary a measurable contraction. A midwife told me I was so stubborn I was willing my body not to experience the joys of labor. I was just listening to the woman delivering down the hall and hearing her scream her lungs out. That was a pretty powerful incentive, I guess. Didn't sound all that fulfilling, when you came right down to it!

I have also discovered that if I really don't want to remember something, I can will myself to forget it. Not completely, because there are little flashes that come through. It's as if I had a dream I can't completely forget, but can't remember any details of. I've only done that once that I am aware of, but maybe there were other times where I was much more successful. I forget.

I don't recommend this approach, unless absolutely necessary. Sooner or later, unless you can completely erase it from your long-term memory (which would be pretty difficult, I would think), it will come back to you. Then you will remember with great clarity why you wanted to forget it in the first place, and it will be as fresh as if you were just experiencing it. It's better to deal with things as they happen. It's rarely as bad as you anticipate it will be. And if it's worse, this too shall pass.

When I worked in advertising, I was a media planner/buyer. That means that I figured out how much our client needed to spend to get his message out and then got to spend the millions of dollars we decided. It was like playing Monopoly with someone else's money. But in order to work up a media plan, I first had to do a lot of research. Did you know that there are huge volumes of data that track which lawn mowers men aged 35-49 with a college degree are most likely to buy? Well, there are, and from that information you can predict which power tools they are more likely to buy. Which television shows do they watch? I can find that out. Then I can figure out which television markets these people live in and air a chain-saw commercial during the midnight movie airing of "Friday the 13th" in Buffalo, NY.

Spending the money was fun, but doing the research was right up my alley. I like to see what makes people tick, and even more than that what makes me tick. How did I end up the person that I am, at the moment? Because the only thing constant is change. Ten years from now, God willing, I will be doing things that were influenced by what I'm doing now.

I didn't know I was interested in all of this when I was in school. Should I go back and get my master's degree in Mass Communications? How about Psychology? How about both? Is manipulating consumers' minds immoral? Good business? Both? Is it even truly possible, or just an advertiser's goal?

I, for one, will be watching the Super Bowl ads on Sunday, in between making a huge German meal for Holly. She's bringing the brotchen and dessert, me the goulash, spaetzle, and red cabbage. Then we'll play games and make lots of new memories.

The Right Way

I was catching up with a good friend on Facebook the other day, and when I mentioned that I was married, four kids, a house in the 'burbs, etc., he said that I had done things "right." That has been gnawing at me since he said it. I have no doubt that he meant it as a compliment, but to me "the right way" implies that anything else is "the wrong way," and I just don't believe that.

I didn't get married until I was 24, which to me still sounded way too young. I had just spent a really agonizing summer in Chicago. It was not a happy time by any means, but after the dust settled Sweetie and I picked back up again after having a couple of initial dates the spring before.

Things went incredibly fast. From the very beginning it was serious and significant. Neither of us really wanted to get married that quickly, but we both felt very strongly that we should. Of course now he says I was the only one with that feeling, but that's just buyer's remorse. It's not that we didn't love each other a lot, but marriage threw me onto a path that I just wasn't sure was for me. I knew I would be a professor's wife, settled in a college town very much like Provo. That's a great life for some, but I wasn't sure it was for me. I moved to Chicago because I love the anonymity of a big city. I like walking for miles and not seeing a single person I know. And I never would have believed that the town like Provo would actually be Provo. That probably would have been a deal-breaker, honestly.

I remember visiting with my bishop for a temple recommend and just praying that he would tell me that he felt inspired that I should wait longer before getting married. But he happily signed it and handed it over. It made me seriously doubt the power of prayer. Even on my wedding day I kept looking around, half-expecting some lone dissenter to put the kibosh on the ceremony. But the "I Do's" went off without a hitch.

I know we're taught that we should marry in the temple and have as many children as the Lord wants us to have, or until we lose our minds, whichever comes first. That's good, and I suppose that plan has worked for me (except for the mind part). But I don't really think there is a "right" or "wrong" path as long as you are trying to be a decent human being and make a difference for good in life. I would like to think that if things had worked out differently way back during that summer, that I could have been just as happy with the life that was created from that.

But I am glad that Sweetie and I got together and had this bunch of hooligans. I wouldn't trade them for anything--usually.

And he did so have that feeling.

A Fresh Start

What a great weekend! Thanks so much, everyone! Thanks to Sweetie for holding down the fort so I could escape for a few days. Thanks to the kids for being relatively civil to each other. Thanks Mom and Dad for absolutely everything! I had so much fun with my two sisters, though I was missing Caro very much, I must say. And this is the first time in many, many years that I was able to spend one-on-one time with my brother, whom I adore.

Saturday we "girls" went in to Em's house and painted for the entire day and evening. We attacked the ceilings, walls, and trim in the living and dining rooms, and by the time we finished (though not 100% finished), it looked so different than before. I've been agonizing over how to paint my living room and kitchen, but I think I have a pretty good idea now. This year I am ripping out the parquet tile and laying slate in the entryway, hardwood floors in the living room, repainting the whole room, burning the curtains, and putting up something new in the windows (TBD). Some pieces of furniture might also have to disappear. Suzy does all that stuff herself, and without minimizing her talents, it can't be that hard. Tedious perhaps, but not difficult. I feel energized! Re-committed! Ready to be committed...

We also watched "Mamma Mia" with my mom while all four of us worked on our knitting projects. Em sang along to the songs, and now they're all drilled into my brain and can't come out. What a silly movie, but it's definitely catchy. My mom is an amazing mom. She had five children over a 25 year period, and raised us all under constantly-changing conditions. She moved over 20 times during those years, always adjusting to new homes, schools, countries, languages, social conditions, clothing styles, wartime, peacetime, you name it. She cooked everything at home, sewed many of our clothes, and economized to the point of absurdity sometimes so she could stay home with us. She always makes me feel so capable and important. I always feel like her favorite child, and I think we kids each feel like that. I needed to spend the weekend with her, and it went way too fast. But now I feel energized! Re-committed!

But you know me well enough to know that this post isn't just about putting my house in order.

It's Inauguration Day, and I'm so excited about this Fresh Start. I am grateful I still have a home to fuss over, unlike so many others. My sleeves are rolled up and I'm ready to pitch in. Energized! Re-committed! And very happy.

Off to St. Louis!

I'm going home tomorrow! I get to see everyone except my youngest sister (miss you, Caro!). We'll go to Jim's store and get some new shoes, just "happen" to be in the neighborhood of Ted Drewes (maybe), paint Em's living room, watch "Mamma Mia" with Mom, knit, hang out on Dad's bed talking, work on my quilt, stay up too late reading, and have a fabulous time. Plus I get to see my favorite dog in the whole world, Lu. And then I'll go by Lubeley's and pick up cupcakes to bring back on the plane for the kiddles and Sweetie. This is the cupcake version of my favorite cake in the world, a dobash torte. It was even my wedding cake! Finally, I'll come home with a renewed St. Louis accent that will drive my students nuts.

But I'll miss my kids like crazy, and will be so happy to come home to them on Monday.

Join Our Book Club!

I have always wanted to belong to a book club, but never have. So I've started one! If you want to join, go to Good Reads and join the Lakeside 1st Ward group, or leave a comment and I'll send you an invitation.

Elvira got half the women in the ward to join Good Reads and they all pass books around to each other like meth. Before a recently finished book is even cold it's in someone else's hands for the next read. Very fun, but then we never talk about them! So now we can.

I don't really have a set-in-stone idea of what books we should start with, and it can be in-person or online. So let's get together and talk about books!

I Am Wonder Woman--Hear Me Roar!

Man, I look hot! Pretty well-preserved for 45, don't you think?

So I got my grades back, and I got a B in Statistics. Yay me!!! Many thanks to my Stats professor who either curved the grade or took pity on me. Not that I didn't study hard, but I think there was a little intervention at the end. Next up--nothing. Not sure which direction I want to go in, so I'm just going to study for the GRE and have a life for a semester. I'm going to get a lot of backlog cleared up and hopefully get a bunch of "valuables" sold on eBay. Well, I'm hoping they'll be valuable to someone, if not me. And painting the kids' rooms, tiling the bathroom floor, refinishing the kitchen cabinets, planting the garden ... I think I'll fill up the time nicely. I might even get some writing done and finish reading a few books.

As far as the roaring goes, I've lost my voice! I've been hoarse now for over a month. Can't yell at my kids or anything. I know they miss it, though they're hesitant to say so. Probably don't want me to feel bad. I have an appointment with an ENT doc later in January to see what the deal is. As long as I end up more like Kathleen Turner than Spencer W. Kimball, I'm good with it. I don't mind the sexy voice you get when you have a little cold, though I'm kind of attached to my regular speaking voice. We'll see what he says.

Drummer Boy put in his college apps this week. BYU was already in, and now Stanford and Washington University in St. Louis are done. Now the FAFSA and the waiting game.

2009 is going to rock, I can just feel it!