The Right Way

I was catching up with a good friend on Facebook the other day, and when I mentioned that I was married, four kids, a house in the 'burbs, etc., he said that I had done things "right." That has been gnawing at me since he said it. I have no doubt that he meant it as a compliment, but to me "the right way" implies that anything else is "the wrong way," and I just don't believe that.

I didn't get married until I was 24, which to me still sounded way too young. I had just spent a really agonizing summer in Chicago. It was not a happy time by any means, but after the dust settled Sweetie and I picked back up again after having a couple of initial dates the spring before.

Things went incredibly fast. From the very beginning it was serious and significant. Neither of us really wanted to get married that quickly, but we both felt very strongly that we should. Of course now he says I was the only one with that feeling, but that's just buyer's remorse. It's not that we didn't love each other a lot, but marriage threw me onto a path that I just wasn't sure was for me. I knew I would be a professor's wife, settled in a college town very much like Provo. That's a great life for some, but I wasn't sure it was for me. I moved to Chicago because I love the anonymity of a big city. I like walking for miles and not seeing a single person I know. And I never would have believed that the town like Provo would actually be Provo. That probably would have been a deal-breaker, honestly.

I remember visiting with my bishop for a temple recommend and just praying that he would tell me that he felt inspired that I should wait longer before getting married. But he happily signed it and handed it over. It made me seriously doubt the power of prayer. Even on my wedding day I kept looking around, half-expecting some lone dissenter to put the kibosh on the ceremony. But the "I Do's" went off without a hitch.

I know we're taught that we should marry in the temple and have as many children as the Lord wants us to have, or until we lose our minds, whichever comes first. That's good, and I suppose that plan has worked for me (except for the mind part). But I don't really think there is a "right" or "wrong" path as long as you are trying to be a decent human being and make a difference for good in life. I would like to think that if things had worked out differently way back during that summer, that I could have been just as happy with the life that was created from that.

But I am glad that Sweetie and I got together and had this bunch of hooligans. I wouldn't trade them for anything--usually.

And he did so have that feeling.