So I took my Stats test today. I felt so good about it! I studied for hours and hours, took practice tests, went to Study Groups, attended Open Labs, the whole thing. Everything I never did when I was an undergrad. I went to the Testing Center and joined the hundreds (literally) of other BYU students spending their weekend taking tests. I had my little calculator, approved scratch paper, No. 2 pencil, and a winning attitude. I worked through every problem--twice!, drew pictures for all the density curves, worked out the Z-scores, proportions, standard deviations, etc. with satisfaction and, I admit, a little glee.
I raced home to find my score online. I never can read those stupid monitors at the Testing Center that list every one's results. The kids gathered around as I clicked my way towards bliss. With a self-satisfied smile I showed my darling children that hard work really does pay off.
I got a 19%. Yes, you read that right. Flashbacks to my college years hit me like a ton of Blue Books. 19%????? How could that possibly be right? I shielded the kids' eyes from the horror. If all I got was a 19%, then I'm not a Smart Girl after all. I'm..... a DUMB GIRL!
I long ago accepted that I'll never have much value as a pretty girl with a winning personality and oodles of charm. I won't be known for my amazing homemaking skills and fabulous parties. But I always knew I was at least smart, which somehow made up for the lack of everything else.
Who am I if I'm not even smart? I have no value whatsoever. I'm just matter taking up a lot of space (way too much space). Breathing in valuable air, tainting my kids' gene pool. I've been teaching GT students under false pretenses. Should I contact their parents? And what about poor Sweetie? My brilliant professor-husband had been duped! I successfully hid my transcript from him until after the wedding, but I could no longer hide my stupidity and shame. What if he started cruising the Computer Science department looking for Smart Chicks? Oh, the horror!
So I did what any stupid, irrational, value-less girl would do. I went to Costco.
I figured that the one thing I might have control over is my looks, since obviously my IQ was barely above "Village Idiot" level. I bought lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, salmon, chicken breasts. Nothing even remotely bad for you made it into my cart. Well, there was the Granny's bread and the chicken noodle soup, but at least it was the low-sodium kind. If I could lose a few pounds (all right, I know what you're thinking), spend a few thousand on plastic surgery, and get hair transplants, I just might have a shot at being presentable. Maybe I could learn to like scrap booking! Or at least keep a clean house. Okay, maybe not that. But I could scrapbook if I tried, I just know it.
I made it home and forced myself to face my shame. I logged onto the BYU site and sadly clicked onto my scores again. The 19% was gone now, replaced by a very pretty 91%. Turns out they originally input my score as "13" points instead of "133". And there is still the short-answer section to grade, which might bring me up a little bit more. Yay me!
Could it be? Am I a Smart Girl after all? Maybe that's reaching a bit. But at least I'm a Moderately Intelligent girl.
I can live with that.
1 comment:
What a heart attack you must have had! What a pleasant, reassuring suprise you had afterward! Yeah, that 19% just didn't sound right. I would have suggested that you look into it.
And as far as "smart"- you've got it in spades! Take it from someone who knows!
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